I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
