I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
