You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
