I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
