Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize