porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
