I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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