I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
