This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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