there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize