I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
