my vag is so smooth its legendary
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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