Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
