Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
