You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
