There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
