I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
