Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
