Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
