I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
