I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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