R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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