I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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