Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
