Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
