just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
