If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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