would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
