What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
