the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
