Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
