He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
