Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize