Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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