Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
