Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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