No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
