I wish my penis had an off switch
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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