We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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