I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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