come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
