I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
