Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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