This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
