i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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