Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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