i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this just has baby written all over it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
