genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
