I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
