Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
