ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
