Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
