did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
