Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
