so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
