Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize