Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
