I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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