you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
