Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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