I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
