I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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