so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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