They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
