You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
