i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
