I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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