She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
