Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
only if we run a train.
done.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
