I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
