woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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