There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
