Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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