Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize