So drunk its hurt
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
